Because we all want to write more poems.
Yard work
Today it was chainsaw and branch cutter;
tomorrow, the chipper.
We inventive apes
prefer well-controlled violence.
A chain neatly following an ellipse,
a pack of greyhounds
coursing after the electric rabbit,
metal for muscles and all teeth.
The long-handled clippers
cleverly lever force
down to a few scant inches
of cold steel blade—
a bird-beak magnifier,
tree-bone slicer.
We like these machines,
breed them in endless varieties,
fill the shed with them,
the garage, the basement.
Carefully crafted,
each with its singular purpose.
We choose among their verbs:
cut, clip, saw, chop, chip.
Wielding tuned power
makes an ironic prayer
against the descent of
that horrific violence,
unhinged and raw,
of chaos.
- Benjamin Gorman's Shared Poems
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Comments
Michael Mayhew
February 4, 2013
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Have you considered
...dropping the first two lines of the last stanza, so you go straight from "cut, clip...chip" which I like very much, straight to "All this - an ironic prayer." It might connect the verbs we say better to the prayer idea.
And I think the idea in those other lines, the part about control and power, are imbedded in the entire piece and do not need to be hit that hard.
- Mike, the Suggestion Guy
Benjamin Gorman
February 4, 2013
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Youse gots a point there
But maybe if you comb your hair right....
Sorry, couldn't resist!
No, good point. See what you think of it now.
Michele McFadden
February 5, 2013
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Chain saws and such
Is this the new ending? Here, above, I think. I like it. Before I read Michael's comment, I was gonna say, I really like the ending.
Neil McKay
February 5, 2013
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The one thing I have trouble
The one thing I have trouble with is the third line. I keep reading it as "we invented apes." That is a good writing prompt in itself but not exactly what you want me to think when I read it.